Or better yet, call the title, “A Letter to my Children.” I was reading my old journal entries in the last three years and I, as I always did, came across this entry that I love so much. I wrote the entry on Aug. 20, 2006 after reading the first page of Ora Pate Stewart’s book called “A Letter to My Son.” At the beginning of her little book, she wrote her feelings about when she gave birth to her son. I wrote, “She talked about her son but as I read the paragraphs, I thought about all of you, my dear children… let me quote her:”
And so here goes the whole quotation:
You were new and good and wonderful. But mostly, you were the fulfillment of a lifelong dream. It was the hope of you that had guided and shaped my young life. And many a temptation was conquered and laid aside — because of what I expected of you — because of what I wanted to give you so that you could have a right and proper start in life. I knew that I could not expect you to be proud of me unless I have lived right. And I wanted you to be the clean, sweet, choice spirit that you are, who would choose me for your mother. I wanted you to look to me for security in love and for the stability and wisdom that would guide your youthful years. So I knew that I must accumulate love, stability, and wisdom for the great occasion of your arrival.
These thoughts and hopes began to form in my earliest remembered childhood, and I am still trying to achieve them, because there is not yet enough love, stability, and wisdom cultivated to supply all your needs.
… You were the fulfillment, the excellence of my joy; you were the consumation of my love, the proof of my power as a woman.
I loved this message because I could relate to it so much… especially when she said, “These thoughts and hopes began to form in my earliest remembered childhood, and I am still trying to achieve them, because there is not yet enough love, stability, and wisdom cultivated to supply all your needs.” Even before I entered the Young Women’s class at church for the first time, I have thought about what my future spouse would be like in the next 10 or 15 years. I was well-aware I would come to that stage someday and I have tried my best to prepare. I was also thinking (up until now) what our future children will be like. I was 12 years old when I started writing journals addressed to my future spouse and children (but I lost that notebook).
After writing her thoughts, I continued, “these words may have come from a book but they all came from a mother who loves her children so much, the way I love you now even though I haven’t seen you yet. In God’s time, I will be a wife… and then a mother… someday you will be laid next to me in my bed after I gave all my strength to bring you out of my womb [and into this world]. I may get very very weak in giving birth to you but you are worth more than that! Nothing will give us greater joy in this world than for us, your parents, to see your beautiful, angelic face for the first time, and have an angel right before our eyes right then and there.”
10 years ago, I thought of what my children with my spouse would be like. 2 years ago, when I wrote this entry, I was excited but I was still patient to meet Mr. Nice Guy someday. I always have this saying to myself, “patience is a virtue” and “it will happen in God’s time.” That Mr. Nice Guy came back from his mission 3 months after I wrote this entry… and I met him 9 months after he came back! Still, the words I always tell myself still applies today… “patience is a virtue!” .. patience to wait for the next stage of our life together to come…