Lovin’ Life

Just lovin’ my life with Jesse

cHriStMaS dAy!!! December 27, 2004

Filed under: life in general — Lois Sparks @ 12:15 am
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Hmmm…Christmas day had passed. At first I thought it won’t go on so well…but I’m happy it did. My friends: Ley, Anggi, Renee, and I went to the so-called “point” to watch the sunrise. We were at the big rocks and the ocean was below those rocks. It was my first time to see sunrise..especially at the beach. I haven’t had ANY sleep at all so, when we got back home, I went back to bed in Ley’s room. Then after 3 hours, I woke up..and Kheng, my friend from work, called. He invited me to go with him to town with his neighbor and his neighbor’s girlfriend. I feel bad at first cuz I had to leave Ley, I knew she had nothing to do for the day…especially if I’m not around. She told me I can go and that she will be okay but that didn’t convince me. But I still went to town with Kheng. We went to Pearl City, his neighbor’s girlfriend’s foster parent’s place…(get it?) For the first time these passed weeks, I felt the Christmas spirit in that home. The foster dad told me I can go back there anytime I want to.
Then we went to Waikiki to eat dinner…at “The Cheesecake Factory” restaurant. It was expensive to eat there but oh boy! The food was so satisfying. I mean, I couldn’t even finish my Teriyaki Chicken…Kheng finished it for me. I really had fun but not so much of it coz I know I have a friend in Laie who is not doing anything at Christmas day.
As soon as I got back home, I went straight to Ley’s room to check how her day has been. As soon as I entered her door, and seeing her eyes were red, I knew she was crying. I really felt bad, I only had hoped that for the last minute of the day (which would be in just half an hour), she would be happy. The day went by but atleast she became happy coz after 12am, one of the most special people in her life came to see her again…I’ve been wishing for him to come and see her…I’m so happy he did. Atleast, I can say now that both of our Christmas day went on well…

 

Christmas Day… December 26, 2004

Filed under: life in general,random — Lois Sparks @ 7:40 am
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Hmmm…well, Christmas day for me went well. But never really good because I know I left someone behind whom I know would never figure out what to do for the day. I really felt too bad when my friend from work said he could only take only me, that I cannot take my friend along with me, because we’re going to somebody else’s place, people that I really don’t know.

I asked my friend if it’s okay with her and if she’s gonna be okay, she said she will be. Deep inside, I know she’s struggling with her own emotions not to get homesick and not to be really sad. She told me I should enjoy the day and that she will be okay, but I know deep inside her she knows she lied.

My trip and “activities” for the whole day took 12 1/2 hours all in all..starting from 11am to 11:30pm. I had fun going to Pearl City with my friend from work. The foster parent of his friend’s girlfriend is really nice and I really feel sorry that my friend was not with me. The feeling that I felt in that house was really good, and I really hoped my friend was there with me to feel it also. I definitely would want to go back to that place.

I got to go to town also with my friend from work and his friend (and his friend’s girlfriend)…to Waikiki. That is the place where my friend was supposed to go today…I really wished she had. We also had a delicious dinner at The Cheesecake Factory. When I got back home, I went straight to my friend’s room to find out how her day has been…as I entered the room, I saw here there with my roommate…her eyes were red. I knew then that she had been crying, as I had expected this morning before I left her. I asked her how her day had been, she said she spent it in her room. It’s Christmas and this is what’s happening to us. I just realized today that I won’t really be completely happy unless I see my friends that they are really happy themselves. I could have had fun, I did…but not completely for I know somebody’s not happy and I really felt bad for not being there with her to bear her pain. It’s Christmas day, everybody should be happy,,,yet I don’t find it that way today.

 

“Because a Baby is Now a Lady” December 15, 2004

Filed under: life in general,random — Lois Sparks @ 9:38 pm
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I just can’t help thinking about how I was when I was still young. Whenever we visit our grandparents (mother’s side) in Manila, I would always go wherever my mom goes. And if we’re about to go back home, my grandmother (my mom’s aunt) would always give me a joke by asking me if I want to stay there forever. Whenever she does that to me, I’d run to my mom, cling to her legs and shake my head saying no…then I’d just keep on hugging my mom’s legs (atleast I think I WAS like that). I seldom say words when I was young whenever we’re on a different place other than our own home. I may say, I was the most shy child they had. I never really talked to my grandparents or to any visitor we had in our home. But what I really can remember is that I’d always cling to my mother’s legs or hide behind her whenever my grandma would say she’ll steal me and keep me with her away from my mom.
I just find it a wonder how I made it here. I never left my parents’ side (FAR FROM THEM) before. I mean, I never experienced actually getting separated from them by not living in our home and not be with them everyday and mingle with people I really don’t know. Back then, just the mere thought of me talking to other Filipinos whom I see as strangers drives me scared already. I don’t know how I came to survive in this place alone…I mean, not being with my family. I don’t know why I’m writing this, maybe it’s the effect of being “homesick” consecutively these passed days…maybe it’s because Christmas is coming and this will be the first Christmas I’ll be away from my family. I’ve never felt so homesick before. I just felt it this month coz I’ve seen people be with their family or I’ve seen lots who take out their luggages out of the hale, letting me understand that they’d be spending Christmas with their family. Anyways, atleast I still got friends left here who share the same feelings I have right now. Well, I think I should end this, else I’m not going anywhere and I really feel bad right now!

 

BoReD tO dEaTh… December 11, 2004

Filed under: life in general,random — Lois Sparks @ 9:29 am
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smile! πŸ˜€

Well, that’s what I find hard to do right now. Fall semester is over. Students in this campus are either spending their winter break to their homelands (and then gonna be back next semester) or moving out or graduating and never gonna come back again. Well, right now I “INTENSELY” feel homesick. My swing partner, one of my closest friend here, is “flying” right now (I mean, he’s on a plane). He left this place (University) just this afternoon and I miss his company badly already…(what more during winter break?HUH??) What’s left of me here are my “girl”friends and there’s only one CLOSE “guy” friend that’s here. I’m really bored right now. I tried to talk to people but they’re all out, including my roommate. Atleast she’s not that bored. I can see that Thomas is online (I used to chat with him late at night). I sent him an instant message but there was no reply. My computer cannot even entertain me enough. I see this night as a perfect symbol of a graveyard’s mood. The wind is cold and it’s freakin’ freezing right now. The only warm place I can go to is my room..thank goodness! My room is warm enough to heat up this coldness that i feel (literally and figuratively).

 

It’s not the rejection…

Filed under: random,reflection — Lois Sparks @ 12:06 am
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It’s not really being rejected by the other person that you fear the most when you want to tell them that you love them but it’s also the fear of facing the pain because they might stay away…

Well, that’s just what I thought this afternoon about love. Ain’t that true? Why do they have to stay away once they realize your true feelings for them? Well, I don’t know if I do that to guys that tell me they like me (not that I remember one who “confessed” to me that I actually avoided him). It’s really painful though.

 

WaVeZ… December 9, 2004

Filed under: life in general,random — Lois Sparks @ 5:20 am
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Hmmm…guess what! I am in the LIBRARY!!! Hahaha! Silly..I came here to read for my Physics exam… πŸ˜› Well, I’m just gonna spend some few time here…still got 3 hours to go before this building closes… πŸ˜›

I went to the Hukilau Beach this afternoon..I slacked and procrastinated my study habits again. Well, I think it’s all good since I’m trying to spend some more time with my friend before he goes to…(Mainland? I forgot! :P)..whatever! He’s leaving pretty soon so I’m trying to spend quality time with him coz I know winter break will be much different without him.

The waves were..uh…let me say..uhm..big? πŸ˜› They were pretty strong and high for me (for a 5’2″ girl). I never got afraid to go for a swim since I was 5 years old. Between me and my younger siblings, I was always the one who has the courage to go on a deep water without our parents by my side. Of course, I have lifeguards on (we call it “floaters”) but most of the children my age would still be scared to be on their own in the deep water.

Let me say..this afternoon was the first time I got scared?! I mean, REALLY scared! Coz I really got scared…:P I was confident that I can take the waves but, when I got there, oh boy! Hahaha! My friend says it like, “you ate the wave badly!” I did! There were times when I tried to “catch” the wave, I jumped too early and the wave will just swallow me down..hahaha! I think it’s 3 waves that tumbled me up and down. But one of those was the one that really scared me. It was a big wave and I tried to swim with it but then I still lacked experience with “big” waves so, it swallowed me. I was underwater, tumbling again,,,but when I tried to get on the surface, it was too deep for me and the water just pulled me back downward and I think there was another wave then, so I was stuck underwater. If I didn’t have ANY idea (at all) on how to swim, I might have had drowned already. So, that’s the reason why I did not go back to the sea after we took a shower and washed off the sands in our shirts. I was really scared but I think my friend didn’t believe me. Well, so much for being a girl, huh? They’d think you’re just trying to catch some attention. Oh well, it’s all good! What happened to me is an adventure, and it challenges me to go back there and be “used” to it. That’s life!

 

I’m feelin’ so good…FINAL EXAMS…

Filed under: class,life in general,random — Lois Sparks @ 2:50 am
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Hmmm…I just can’t bear the thought of not writing down (or should i say “typing down”???:P) the things that’s coming in my head right now.

Today, I had Final exam in my CS 101 class..it’s a C language programming class. This time, it’s 5 programs and 1 bonus point (10 pts). I did not review the day before so I was pretty sure I’m not gonna be able to finish the test. But then, things flowed easily. I had a hard time but not really hard. And when I got to take the bonus point (coz u have to turn in the exam first before you can take the bonus point), I thought I wouldn’t be able to run the program. The code was already written on the hard disk’s memory, you just have to find the logical and syntax errors and make them right for the program to run. So..it was really a luck for me, may I say! And this Monday, I did not really get enough sleep the day before (Sunday) coz I was really reading all the readings we had after the Midterms for Intercultural Communications class. Our teacher gave us an allowance of 11-2pm time. I thought I can go to the testing center as long as it is not yet 2pm. I came there at 1:15. Usually, the first two tests that we had on that class, it took me an hour and a half to finish the test without thinking that much “yet” and they were just one essay (and some true and false and short answer questions). This time, it was the same but there were 2 essays. I came in there, and the student aid said, “you have to finish this before 2 o’clock” Oh my! It was like my jaw dropped open when I heard that. But then again, I still felt good after the exam. I didn’t get to answer two short answer questions but hey, things were just rushing down in my brain for answers each time I read the questions..ain’t that good enough? To finish that exam in less than 45 minutes when it usually takes you an hour and a half?…

I have two more exams to go..both on Friday..my most disliked subject (besides MATH)..PHYSICS! And English..where I still have to write a research paper…”the culture of my major”…duh! (Sometimes I find that topic lame). Oh well, I “think” that that would be for my benefit anyways, right?

To y’all who’s still having exams this week, GOODLUCK!!! Don’t aim for just a “passing” grade, aim for a “high” grade..(that’s what my mom always tells me)..well, I’m tired..I’ve been playin’ with the waves on Hukilau Beach this afternoon (BIG WAVES!!!)..gotta go get some sleep and then see Jenn Jones Piano Recital later…kia ora!